If I had some sort of font with squiggly lines and sweat drops pouring out of the letters, I’d be using it here. I am having a meltdown. I’m just one day away from my long awaited vacation and it’s like a switch has been flipped on my obsessive compulsiveness.
A word here on OCD. I believe the term is thrown around nowadays with little regard to its actual definition, by people who are a little picky about cleanliness or orderliness. These people are really just anal. I suppose I wouldn’t balk if they called themselves obsessive. But obsessive compulsiveness is different. While I am my own share of anal and obsessive when it comes to neat and orderly, I consider that different from my OCD. I have never been clinically diagnosed with OCD, but I think that’s because I’ve never been asked to be diagnosed with it.
So when I say a switch has been flipped, I don’t mean that my house is clean from top to bottom or the pantry is organized alphabetically (though I am half packed already…) No I mean every time I go out of the house, I am overcome with fear that I’m going to get sick and I get an overwhelming urge to get in the car and go home. If I can’t do that, I start hiding my face in my jacket, holding my breath, or some other odd-looking thing that must inspire fear in those nearby. I really do expect to get sick on the plane, so what difference it would make to get a day or two’s head start, I have no idea.
And really, the fear of going out is a small part of what’s going on. It’s annoying to be sure, but nothing could possibly be as annoying as the counting. My god, the counting. Somebody please, make it stop. I am in my everyday life compelled to count things. Say, the number of M&M’s I’m eating in one handful. And multiples of five, for some odd reason, have always been unacceptable. This is, as you might imagine somewhat annoying, but in my day to day existence it is rote and minimal. Right now, it’s out of control. I’m counting everything that’s countable. I don’t know what would happen if I accidentally or purposely ingested five and only five potato chips, or packed five pairs of socks instead of four or six, but my brain thinks it would be something terrible.
Hopefully that didn’t scare too many people away. I did manage to take time away from the counting to get a haircut, which looks pretty much the same as the haircuts I’ve been getting, a standard bob. This one I tried to go a little shorter because I was getting sick of the style, and I added bangs, which I haven’t had in about ten years. Of course, I remember why now. I have very fine hair and the tickle on my forehead from those wispy strands is already driving me nuts.
On the bright side of things, the temperature has gone up, it’s raining and the snow is finally melting! It was lovely to have a true white Christmas, the first I’ve ever experienced if you don’t count the few flakes we saw last year. And, I don’t have to worry about the snow cancelling my flight tomorrow. Still plenty of other things to worry about though…
Like what my poor Sid will do without me for a week! I will miss him terribly!! Shaun assures me he will not even notice. I have my mom coming over to check on him and feed him every day, but if anyone knows where I can get one of those kitty-cams, let me know…
I look forward to updating any readers from the road.