I nearly forgot my wedding anniversary last year. I was 8 months pregnant and my mind was elsewhere. I remembered a day or two beforehand, and posed the question to Facebook whether carrying around our unborn child was gift enough for the leather (traditional)/crystal (modern) year. The consensus was no, but I recall the only answers I got were from men. So there you go.
I digress. I don’t remember what we did to celebrate. I recall implementing a no gift policy because I felt all funds should be diverted to baby prep, so we probably just went to dinner. This year I remembered the anniversary at least a week in advance, but I decided not to say anything, just to see if my husband would remember. When he got home from work, he asked if we were doing anything this weekend to celebrate, and denied having seen my anniversary post on Facebook. So I can’t say for sure he didn’t remember, but for sure he didn’t remember until today. I don’t know what we’ll do to celebrate. Probably go out to dinner. Maybe even get a sitter!
I was not acting out of malice nor was I intending on being insulted if he forgot. I was just curious. My husband, who is wonderful in many ways, just has no number/date recall. I have a bizarre amount of number recall. Pin numbers, locker combinations, social security numbers, birthdays, anniversaries, phone numbers, the exact amount I paid for my last meal, the atomic weight of boron, you name it, I can remember it. (Okay, not the weight of boron but only because I don’t care.) So it never ceases to amaze me that my husband doesn’t know what number corresponds with the month. For instance, I know that August is the eighth month of the year. There’s no question or hesitation. My husband would have to rattle off the names of the months while counting on his fingers to come up with that number, and even then he might get the order of the months wrong. I don’t intend to be insulting by revealing this information either. I might be able to recall numbers but I still get confused driving around my hometown where I’ve lived for thirty years. So I accept that we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and that if I want a particular date to be remembered, I might do well to drop a few hints. (Though he does know my birthday and his daughter’s, and those are the most important ones.)
Marriages also have strengths and weaknesses. My husband and I are both extremely independent people. It’s one of the few things we have in common. Our acceptance of that independence is one of our relationship’s greatest strengths, but obviously being so different can be a weakness. I get more red flags for interfering, intervening and otherwise foisting my opinions upon my spouse, but he definitely gets more red flags for expecting me to read his mind. These are the major and ongoing points of contention in an otherwise harmonious relationship. Sometimes I wonder how often we can have the same argument, but I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that.
This has been a tough year as we have adjusted from being in a marriage to being in a family. But it’s also been …Ah hell, I’m just stalling now because I can’t think of the ending to this piece. Maybe that’s a good thing. The story continues. To next year!