My temporary reprieve from day teaching is over, and I accomplished most of what I set out to do. I ripped up the carpet in the dining room and put down new pergo floors, but the project is not finished. I had to special order a piece of stair nosing, which was out of stock and then shipped to the wrong address. At some point, you wait for something like that so long that it takes on less significance. The drive I had to finish the project is long gone. Now I look at the blank stair and think, “whatever, nobody ever visits anyway.”
Sonja wants you all to know that she likes to play school so she can be the teacher. Despite this, she sometimes claims to be bored in school and I sometimes believe her. It seems the enthusiasm for 1st grade is somewhat less than the enthusiasm for kindergarten. I know she’s learning, but I can’t shake the feeling she could be learning more. She participates in a pull-out enrichment program twice a week for 30 minutes, but it doesn’t seem enough. The comment from her report card for reading and math was, “student demonstrates an exemplary level of understanding on the standards assessed and work shows a sophisticated understanding of content.” Yeah.
I have a problem. Several, in fact. Some of these problems fall within the realm of time management, and I knew they would be helped when my child (finally) turned school age. But I also knew that some would continue to plague me. Time management is a nice scapegoat, but these problems are more like 1-part time management, 1-part time perfectionism, and 1-part time procrastination.
I’ll give you an example of what I mean. I’m a (college) teacher, and I have to lesson plan. It’s part of my job that takes place outside of my teaching hours, and because I don’t have a campus office, and I do have daily responsibilities that require me to be at home, I work from home, mostly at night after my daughter goes to bed. I have extremely grand plans that I can take one weekend, get all my shit together, plan the whole quarter out, and then only have to worry about grading the rest of the quarter. One single, glorious weekend that frees my nights from responsibility and my mind from guilt.
This is a perfectionist fantasy. These run rampant in my brain. From lesson planning to cleaning and organizing, there’s always a grand plan. My brain doesn’t seem to understand the “chip-away-at-it” mentality. It is an all-or-nothing proposition, and it leads to nothing but procrastination. I wait (and wait and wait) for a large enough chunk of time to accomplish all that I want to accomplish, and when it doesn’t materialize, I wind up lesson planning in a frantic midnight haze of self-beratement. (Never mind that there are several reasons why planning that far in advance wouldn’t work, and that the flexibility to adapt to my students is a desirable trait anyway.) And any time I want to do something for fun or for me, like blog, I won’t if my work isn’t done. But then, because I don’t have enough time to do all the work I want to to, or because I don’t want to start something and be interrupted, I wind up wasting time on the internet, doing nothing, waiting for more time.
I’m so tired. This is not a working system, but for the longest time I have been at a loss for how to change it. As a perfectionist, I like to try to figure out am consumed with finding the perfect way to live life. The internet is both an instigator and accessory to this crime. If it weren’t for the internet, I would have no clue about all the things I should be doing, and I wouldn’t care what a loser-chump I am for not doing them. There’s a lot of chatter in my head about giving myself a break because no on can be perfect and it’s not important. But trying to ignore these exhausting arguments in my head that consume large chunks of my brain, as I mentioned, is not working. Maybe it’s time for a different tack. Maybe I should stop making excuses and stop procrastinating in the name of perfection. Maybe I should just DO all of that stuff I’m supposed to be doing, even if I can’t do it perfectly.
It’s a novel idea that I deemed worthy of a trial period. See how it feels to not make excuses. Try to quiet those arguments in my head. First though, I had to decide exactly what arguments I was going to pick a fight with. The internet is large and full of crackpots irrelevant advice, so I had to do some research and cherry pick the life tips and hacks that I thought would make the most impact on my life if I put them into serious practice.
Before I get to them, I realize that this will require advance planning, so that’s the first life hack that I must commit to. Then, this has to be a trial. There has to be a set time to do the things, even if I’m not liking them, to see if they really work. But there has to come a time to re-evaluate and ditch the ones that aren’t worthy, thereby saying sayonara not only to the habit but to that particular argument in my head. So it’s late in the year and making promises about new routines is a perfect thing for New Year’s, so I’m going to go from tomorrow – October 16th – to December 31st. That’s 76 days. If it takes 21 days to form a habit, I should be pretty set in the new ways and have enough information to evaluate their efficacy.
I’ve got quite a few changes lined up. Though they are ones I feel I can be successful at, I need some sort of accountability. So I’ll check back here each week, on Sunday, with details. If you’re like me and scour the internet for first hand accounts of what something is like before you try it (sometimes, for me, even food, which is as utterly preposterous as it sounds), perhaps this will give you the information you need to decide to make that leap.
I also realize that this adds to my schedule without explicitly scheduling time for work, which is what I am most concerned about. However, I’m going to take it as a leap of faith that one good habit will lead to others. I’m not getting work done by thinking about it or worrying about it, though work is my excuse for not doing some of these other things. So really, there is no excuse. I’m going to prioritize these other things and trust that in so doing, the rest of life will fall into place. If it doesn’t, eh, back to the drawing board.
So without further ado, here are the new habits…
Daily Life
Set Up and Stick To a Routine
That’s the whole point of the list that follows.
Go to Bed and Get Up at the Same Time Everyday
I’ve never thought this was terribly…what’s the word?…reasonable. And since, for the past six years, I’ve been trying to get sleep wherever and whenever I can, I’ve not attempted it. Now that the kid is in kindergarten, that standardizes my wake-up call. I’ll have to resolve not to sleep in on Mondays, which are her late start days, and the weekend. Having read that the ideal amount of sleep is actually on the lower end of the recommended 7-9 hours, I’m going to set my bedtime at 11:30 and my wake-up at 7:00. That gives me just enough time to get myself ready for work and spend some time with her in the morning.
Don’t Hit the Snooze Button
The first time I read this tip was out of some glossy, teeny-bopper magainze when I was in middle school. Middle school! That was – you know what, never mind how long ago that was. I remember trying it once. Suffice it to say, this is going to be the most difficult one on this list.
Exercise Every Day
This is so vitally important to prioritize and I don’t. I’m choosing a minimum of 20 minutes per day, more allowed. The perfectionist in me always wants to exercise a properly lengthy amount of time, with a trainer-approved routine, mixing strength and cardio in just the right ratios. It tanks the mindset. No more. Even if it’s just a walk, it counts.
Meditate Every Day I’ve been interested in this since I read Dan Harris’ 10% Happier. The more I read about it, the more interested I become. 5 minutes minimum per day. More allowed.
Put Stuff Back in its Place Immediately
This house becomes chaotic fast. There’s always going to be toys laying around, but I don’t need to add to that. Coats and shoes put away, not left in the entryway and on the railing. Clothes folded in the closet, not laying on the bench. La di da.
Finances
Don’t Buy Stuff You Don’t Need
Well duh. My focus lately is thinking more critically about what I really need, so that I can save for the things I truly want.
Write Down Daily Expenditures
I’ve actually been doing this for about three weeks now, and it’s helpful. Unfortunately it’s only the things I buy, and I can’t convince my husband to do the same. At least, since I do most of the grocery shopping, it’s useful for me.
Pay with Cash
It’s harder to part with, so the experts say. Now that I have an idea of what we spend on groceries, which is less than I thought and seems totally reasonable, this will be easier to do. I’ve resisted before, because you know, reward points! But really, the idea is to save, not spend, and rewards that promise savings are really just invitations to spend.
Priorities
Limit or Eliminate Social Media
Ugh. I’ve been through many social media cleanses when I feel it’s overtaking my life, but then I get right back on that horse. I know it wouldn’t be that difficult for me to swear off it for the next couple of months, but then I’d probably binge on it later. So I’m taking arguably the harder road, which is limiting. One hour a week for Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. This includes computer and phone. (I don’t know how social pinterest is, but it’s addicting.) I’m not limiting my time on Goodreads or the number of times I check the library’s website to see if my latest hold is in yet. I think the weekly limit will work better than a daily limit for me, so that I’m not wasting 20 minutes on a day I don’t have it, and scrolling aimlessly out of obligation on a day when I have more time.
Read More
I’ve made reading more and more of a priority over the last two years and haven’t regretted it. I’m sure I’m going to fill some of that social media time with my nose in a book, and hallelujah. Love the example this sets for my little reader, too.
From Pinterest: Problems of a Book Nerd
Concentrate on a Hobby
This one was meant as a way to get you to focus. Put your efforts into one thing, not 10. I don’t think I’ve been concentrating on any hobby, but my eggs are going in the writing basket. I’ll update this blog weekly to let you know how this challenge is going, and hopefully get in extra, non-project-related blogs as well. As always, someday maybe I’ll actually write other stuff too.
Keep a Notebook with you Always
Mitch Hedberg has this joke: “I sit at my hotel at night, I think of something that’s funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen’s too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny.”
Food
This was the most difficult category because food is always something I’m thinking about and working on, but I feel like it has the potential to tank the whole project if I get too ambitious. I have a weird schedule three days a week, where I work a split shift teaching four hours in the morning and two at night. It screws with the best of my intentions, and while I’m working on meal planning, it’s not my strong suit. I’ve been focused on whole foods and home cooking the past couple of months and doing pretty good, but I don’t want to hear all that negative chatter in my head for the inevitable mistakes. So I’m keeping this list to small changes that have the best chance of success and long term improvement.
Trying to Meal Plan
Eat Breakfast Every Day
I’m not a big breakfast person but I do try to eat something before I go and teach for four hours straight, purely for the purposes of not passing out. Mostly, I see the logic behind the breakfast advice and think that it doesn’t apply to me. But we’ll see how it goes, that’s the whole point.
Drink More Water/Limit Caffeine
I don’t drink that much caffeine because I drink (unsweetened, iced) tea. But some days I drink nothing but tea, and perhaps I should add in some water? I don’t know. Tea is made with water. I’m sure of it because I make it myself. My goal here is to replace at least one glass of tea with one glass of water per day.
Eat…
I’ve decided to simply continue with the whole foods transition I’ve been making. I’ve made some changes and I will continue to make more changes as I can. I’ll continue to cook more at home, experiment with recipes and eat more fruits and vegetables while eating fewer processed foods and chemicals.
Don’t Eat…
So much sugar. I’m giving up soda for this experiment. I don’t drink that much, and I’ve given up before, but I’ve always gone back. Coca-Cola has their hooks in me and I know it. They know it. Everybody knows it. After reading books on the psychology of eating, I even know how they got their hooks in me, and it irritates me, but it’s too late for me. Save yourselves.
So there you have it. My next 76 days. Yes, I know, those aren’t the only things I could be doing, and if you have a suggestion about something that has made your life that much better, by all means, keep it to yourself. I don’t want anymore brain arguments.
I’ve heard that keeping a done list is as motivating or more so than keeping a to-do list. It is naturally rewarding to your brain to see all the things that you have accomplished, squished together on a single piece of paper. So I thought I should take this opportunity, the weekend before I have to go back to work, to check off all that I accomplished with my two-and-a-half weeks off.
Here’s the original list, with notes:
3-week meal plan Eh, I didn’t do three weeks in advance, but I did cook a lot and tried several new recipes, so I’ll say that’s a check.
Take Sonja to the doctor for quarterly height-weight check; take myself for triptan reup. Sonja: 28.8 lbs, 38 in; Me: 6 triptans in hand.
Read, read, read. Also, binge-watch, binge-watch, binge-watch. Nope, nope, nope. Also, nope, nope, nope. I started on The Americans, which is good but very dark and I wanted a little lighter fare. I’ve just started Mr. Robot, which is still dark but has occasional moments of humor and no body count (so far). I’ll see what the rest of season 1 has to offer.
Writing other than for this blog. Sadly, no.
Declutter clothes, books and, if time, the miscellaneous category as described by Kondo. Yes! I made tons and tons of progress with this.
Clean the garage on a weekend with Shaun. (This doesn’t fit the KonMari method in that it’s cleaning by room, but it really can’t be ignored any longer.) Check. It’s still messy, but it’s not as messy.
Organize all digital photos by year and make new back-up discs. No, but it will be easy to transition to this when I finally get all the decluttering done.
Declutter computer work files. No, but I still have to start lesson planning (eek), and some of that will go hand in hand.
Trip to Goodwill. Check.
Trip to county dump. Goodbye console TV!
So there you have it. Not bad, if I do say so myself. Perhaps you notice, as I have, that the more specific things on the list (declutter clothes) were the things that actually got accomplished. It’s the vague items (read, write) that are left to languish in the summer heat. I’m still in the process of actually getting the actual stuff that I decluttered actually out of my actual house. This is going to take far longer than the tidying did. My plan is to continue with the decluttering throughout the summer quarter, and transition from that into decluttering the computer. Then I can make a whole new to-do/done list for the second, longer summer break. If that doesn’t spell summer fun, I don’t know what does!
New Year’s resolutions seem to be just another thing that I don’t have the time or energy for any more. I know, generally, what I want to be like and what I want to get done, and I’ll get to it when I can.
So I wan’t interested in doing a resolution post this year, but I am sort-of interested in taking stock, in a totally non-crunchy way. This was one of those ‘learning’ years. Years in which a bunch of stuff blindsides you and you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, take stock of what was broken and what wasn’t, and move on.
I made one big decision and had one big realization this year. The decision was to start teaching as a career, and to be clear, that came first. I’ve thought about teaching lots of times, and it was why I entered into a Master’s program in the first place, though I lost track of that goal very early on. When I took a short gig scoring standardized tests, there were a lot of things about that weird job that felt very right. The first thing you have to do before scoring the tests (I was scoring a 10th grade writing assessment) is learn the material on which the students were being tested. This couldn’t have made me feel more at home, for it was a lot like school. Then you had to learn how to internalize a rubric to score all the tests by the same criteria. This was more challenging than I thought it would be, and though I don’t think any rubric, especially one for a standardized test, is flawless, it was a worthy challenge. Finally, I had the chance to read really good papers, middle-of-the-road-papers, and bad papers, and in each case, I was sorry I couldn’t offer feedback to the kids. So this very short, very bizarre experience sent me walking back down the career education path.
The realization came much later. You could call it an epiphany, if you really wanted. After Shaun was laid off, we both sent out a flurry of resumes. I figured I’d be the first one to land a job, because I have a resume that lends itself to different fields and I talk a good talk in an interview. Plus, I didn’t need a career-type job the way he did, I just needed to earn some cash. I knew the job I found wasn’t a forever job and I knew that it was a somewhat boring job. I didn’t know I was walking into a complete and total disaster. I’ve had a few disaster jobs throughout my career, ones I hated and that didn’t last long. In each case, the job was very different than advertised, and the company was batshit insane. These dread-inducing jobs – I thought I’d seen the last of those. I thought they were a vestige of my younger, more vulnerable days. How on Earth did I get here, I wondered. Did I miss the warning signs out of fear of the flophouse, or was the employer that dishonest? A little fear, a lot of dishonesty. However, that’s when it occurred to me that there does not exist a job within the private sector that I would like. I’m not built for business. I’m an academic. I always have been and I always will be. And since I can’t afford to stay in school forever, that really leaves me one other option. Teaching.
And so I begin 2015 happily unemployed and returning to school, briefly, to obtain an ESL (English as a Second Language) certificate. That plus my Master’s degree should land me a job in community college. When I was looking for a teaching job this summer, without any actual teaching experience, I had several people suggest getting certified in ESL, and I sort of half-listened. But the more the idea bounced around in my head, the more it started to make sense. Hey, you know what you’re really good at, self? English. Hey, you know what you really enjoyed in college (outside of music), self? Learning a foreign language and linguistics. So I like the idea as a foray into teaching, that can then be leveraged into teaching other subjects, if I so choose.
The reflection part comes in that I don’t know if I would’ve come to this conclusion so quickly, and acted so quickly, if I wasn’t so miserable. I thought, after the gig this summer, that I would leisurely look for a teaching job and find just the right thing. Obviously that idea flew out the window and all of the unhappiness led to some fast and furious introspection. Misery is a breeding ground for introspection, which is why artists are so frequently miserable. Not that I wouldn’t like to be a great artist, but I am just so tired of being miserable.
I am really excited about all that I have planned for 2015. I don’t know why I kept straying off the education path. And I can only hope that I’ve called my calling correctly. I take refuge in a comment from a friend, “I definitely see you in a teaching role. In fact, now that you mentioned it, I can’t see you any other way.”
Neither can I. And that gives me a great deal of hope.
I’m not entirely sure I want to remember the last half of 2014. It just doesn’t seem like a lot of good things happened, and when one is writing or reading a year-in-review, I think one wants to write or read good things. Somehow, even though I am a perennial pessimist, I cannot help but think that all the bad things are just paving the way to a much better 2015. So here is a look back at 2014, warts and all. Continue reading “My 2014 Year-in-Review”→
I’ve been sitting on this title since last summer, and even though we’re a couple of weeks into autumn, I can’t have it lingering in my brain for another year. So I’ll have a go at stringing together some sentences that befit the appellation. Thank goodness this summer didn’t wind up being really exciting.
This was in many ways a very ordinary summer. It felt a little like a summer vacation from school, in that we mostly sat around the house doing nothing, losing track of the days of the week. Uneventful and colossally boring days that could’ve been used for something useful slipped through our fingers, never to return.
On the other hand, this was an emotional summer. The loss of our main source of income left us frightened and depressed. We would’ve liked to work on some long lingering house projects with the extra time, but we didn’t have the money. I had resolved to find work after my month-long contract job made me realize I was ready to get out of the house. But what would’ve been a long and leisurely search for the perfect part-time job turned into a race against dwindling finances.
And so I find myself, at the end of September, when all the kids have returned to school, returning to work full-time in a “permanent” position. I use the quotation marks because obviously jobs are never permanent, but I use the term because it is not a freelance/contract job. I’ve had other permanent jobs, which were all part-time. I’ve had other full-time jobs, which were contract positions. I do believe this is the first time I have had a full-time, permanent position.
Somewhat ironically, I find myself not at a cubicle but in a classroom, for five weeks of training. If that sounds crazy, it is. The jury’s still out on whether this is a good crazy (like that last month-long contract position) or bad crazy.
And that’s it. My summer is over, the luxury of time gone in a flash. House plans will have to remain on hold. I have to buckle down, suck it up, and be an adult. And a boring one at that. But who knows, maybe next summer won’t be quite so quotidian.
I take time out of my sometimes-busy, sometimes-not-so-busy schedule, all year ’round, to write this blog, specifically so that I can look back and reminisce many years from now. An end-of-year piece should be nothing but fluffy retread, and mostly it is. Somehow though, there’s always something I miss. And c’mon, who doesn’t love an end-of-year retrospective? So here, in words and pictures, is my 2013.
I started this blog many years ago and though there have been times when I have neglected it, it’s always been there, like a tried and true friend. If I needed to vent or gloat, it was there. Though it started off as a way to chronicle the house hunting experience, the blog has never had much of a theme. Thus it really acts as a kind of super journal. It never feels like work but because it might be read by other people and is intended to be shared with family and friends, it’s a better writing exercise than just blathering on in a diary with a lock and key.
It’s also more interesting than a lock and key diary because I get feedback. I get to see how many people are reading and sometimes readers like or comment on a post. And throughout the theme-less years, three posts have stuck out in the stats as something for which people are searching. First, a post on the now defunct television program Lie to Me. Second, a review of the new-to-Puyallup Sonic Drive In restaurant. And third, a hastily written article on reasons to turn down a job offer.
The popularity of the Sonic piece came and went, as did the line of people waiting to try the abysmal franchise. The Lie to Me piece still gets hits occasionally, when people are searching for why the title contains an asterisk (I give an educated guess.) But Should I Take the Job? 5 reasons to let an offer pass you by, an article I wrote three years ago, still gets hits…every…single…day.
So that got me thinking. (Eventually.) I’ve toyed with the idea of sticking to a theme, to see if that might take me into the land of triple-digit stats. But I can’t give up the super journal, especially now that I’ve decided it has a purpose (as a diary for my daughter.) So the logical solution is…a spin-off!
It’s not just because the job offer post gets repeated hits that I deemed it a subject worthy of its own blog. It’s because as a freelancer, I’ve done a lot of resume creating, job hunting, job winning and job quitting in my day, and not only do I have a lot to say about the rat race, I think my advice might be helpful, especially to those working in creative fields.
SuiteCreative (because CreativeSuite was already taken) is up and running now. I hope that if you work or know someone who is looking for work in the creative field, you’ll pass along the info. As with the start of any new job, there will be a learning curve, but I encourage feedback. I also hope to make this one an interactive blog so I’ll be looking for questions that I can answer.
Another year has come and gone. Though many years can dissolve together, some years are distinctive. The year of the wedding (2008). The year of the pregnancy (2011) and this, the first full year of parenthood. 2012 took us from 3 months to 15 months, from a baby just learning to keep her head up to a toddler running around the house, from consistent middle-of-the-night feedings to the occasional middle-of-the-night diaper change. Though to me it felt like kind of a sleepy year – there was little in the way of work, no vacations were taken – my daughter was workin’ hard and accomplished many things. Granted I’ve waxed philosophical about most of those things on the blog already, that’s what the blog is for. But for yuks and material, here’s a quick recap.
January
The storm of the century of the year. Sonja is four months old when a snow & ice storm takes out our (and thousands of others) power for nearly three days. The first night all three of us hunker down in the den near the fire, Shaun and I on the futon, Sonja in her rocker. Each time she awakens, I feed her and Shaun feeds the fire. The next day Shaun returns to work and I attempt, unsuccessfully, to keep the fire burning. Getting colder by the minute, I decide to take the baby to the mall to warm up, but fail to get the car out of the driveway. Shaun comes home early and we head to his parents’ powered house to ride out the rest of the storm. Bonus: Grandma handles the late-night feedings.
Sonja’s 1st Snowpocalypse
February
Hmm… Not a very memorable month.
March
The six-month-aversary. The first six-months dragged on and on, the longest of my life. The next six flew by, probably because we were sleeping a lot more.
Tell me again why 6 months is significant?
April
We finally get some decent bedroom furniture.
Sleigh Bed
May
I spend my first mother’s day with The Seattle Rock Orchestra, performing the Beatles’ albums Rubber Soul and Revolver. Shaun buys me a tablet computer for my herculean efforts raising the baby, and in about two weeks I decide I hate it. He’s using it now and I stole the free Microsoft Surface Tablet employees received. (Still not sold on the necessary-ness of the tablet.)
I’d like to thank you all on behalf of the group, and I hope I passed the audition.
June
I spend the entire month watching Breaking Bad (on Netflix), starting with the pilot and ending with season 4, just in time to start watching season 5 as it airs. I start out rather blasé about the whole series and end up inhaling as much as I can every time the baby naps. I try in vain to keep my exclamations of ‘holy shit’ to a minimum.
July
I go back to work, full-time but temporarily. I’m a freelancer and the call comes at the right time. It took me much longer than I expected to get to the point where I felt that I was ready to go back. I might not have attempted it at all, had my sister-in-law not been available to babysit. Fortunately I had just the right environment to see what being a working parent felt like. I give it a mixed review.
Also at the end of July… Finally, after 170,000 miles, I get a new car. The car buying experience is enough to last me another 10 years, I hope the car does too.
Fresh as a daisy from its first wash
August
My birthday month, upgraded from the non-traditional birthday week and the more traditional birth-day. I was very happy not to be nine months pregnant this year, and celebrated with a massive laundry room flood. Also, spaghetti.
Like Momma, like daughter
Also this month I finally finish painting the cabinet doors we had repaired two years ago. It looks brilliant if you look just at that section and not at the six other unfinished sections in the kitchen.
September
Oh words cannot express the long-anticipated 1st birthday party. I planned and prepped only to have things not go as I wanted. A good lesson for next year, for sure.
So close to walking!
It’s All Mine!
Mo-om, that’s MY cake!
October
I spend the entire month agonizing over whether I should bother with a Halloween costume for Sonja, finally decide it’s not necessary because she won’t be trick-or-treating or eating candy, then feel like a bad parent. Instead of trick-or-treating we go to the Children’s Museum in Everett for a Halloween extravaganza.
“Wa-wa.” Water table at the Children’s Museum in Everett
November
NaNoWriMo. The challenge is to write 50,000 words in a month and because I must know what the winner’s certificate looks like, I do it. Quantity over quality is the motto here. Or perhaps quantity first, quality later. This consumes much of my waking, child-free moments.
Winner’s Badge
December
A 15-month weight-check for my petite cutie. She’s still gaining, but slowly, so we’re scheduled for a more in-depth follow up in January.
Sonja gets to open Christmas presents on Christmas Eve at Grandma’s and Christmas day at home. We so wear her out on Christmas day that she falls asleep in my arms and I have to put her to bed over an hour early. Wait ’til she finds out about this Santa Claus guy.
2012 Tree. Not unlike the 2011 tree. And 2010 tree…
Suite Story Productions 